(no subject)
Nov. 6th, 2008 01:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dorsetgirl
Sam Tyler walks alone.
He treads the night-empty city in silence, passing alleys and entrances as the street lights gleam softly on dark leather.
Heels click softly as he paces Gene’s city; night and dark hide him from those who would ask questions.
He stops at the entry to another dark lane; a match flares, shading the planes of his face as he brings the flame closer. Sam’s lips pout as he takes his first drag, sparking Gene’s last cigarette into life.
Early morning mist lends crystal highlights to lashes that move faster as the familiar scented smoke wreathes around him.
Now the shadow of Gene paces this empty street with him, its heartbeat in Sam’s ears louder than his own. He slips quietly into a passageway, stands and waits; he hears steps behind, and turns, but the city sleeps.
Gene lies silent, but Sam walks on into the dark, dreams breaking and dying in the shadows.
He walks alone.
With humble apologies to Billie Joe Armstrong; I took his words and haunting imagery and fucked it up. I would like to move my writing in this direction occasionally, but I know this hasn't worked although the image is so clear in my mind. If anyone has any beta-type comments or suggestions (other than "bin it"), I'd be very pleased to hear them.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-11-07 08:53 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-11-07 11:11 am (UTC)you used third person omniscient
Ooh, get me! As I said to Mikey, it wasn't deliberate, it was more a question of chipping away everything in my original that didn't look like the lonely Sam I wanted to portray. I appears that I've learned something from this - that if you want to make someone look alone, stand well back! This was used in LOM2.08 of course, where we see Sam walking around the city in 2006, and - unusually - the camera is well back from him, and there are people between him and us.
I made the change you suggested; I hadn't seen that at all. In fact I had another read and it still looked quite clear to me, but then again I know Gene isn't there! Thanks for that - it was meant to be quite clear that Sam really was completely alone, the ambiguity being over what has happened to Gene.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-11-07 11:18 am (UTC)This was used in LOM2.08 of course, where we see Sam walking around the city in 2006, and - unusually - the camera is well back from him, and there are people between him and us.
Yes! That and the depressing as fuck colour palette made those 2006/07 (damn you Cameron for confusing us as to what year he's actually gone back to. And no, I shall not use A2A as canon) scenes so very manipulative and heart-rending. All those people on mobile phones; technology replacing actual communication. It was probably the second best bit of the entire episode in terms of the construction of the scene (the first being the 1.01 parallel shot for the jump --- which sounds like an Olympic event), although, to SJ's credit, there were many beautiful shots to choose from. Apart from the weird 'you betrayed us' scene, it was a visually gorgeous episode.
Oh dear, you got me started.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-11-07 11:34 am (UTC)Whoops, sorry! I got home this morning with five minutes' worth of quick jobs to do before heading out to do banking, shopping etc. 1.5 hours later and I'm still here, so I'll end up in the bank at lunchtime. Friday lunchtime. *headdesk*
Anyway, just before I log off, I wondered this morning if John will get next week's Radio Times cover - that would be very fitting with Phil on it this week! *hopes*
The world is round, the Pope is Catholic, A2A is AU. Unless Sam comes back in a way I approve of.