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Welcome to my Journal

Hi there!

Although this is mainly a fic journal, I do use the

dorsetgirl identity to post comments in a variety of places, so if you've arrived here from a non-fandom location, welcome!

This journal contains the occasional rant or rambling about life in general, but most of it is fic, some of which is of an explicit nature. Please do not read on unless you're comfortable with that.

(This entry was originally future-dated 23rd June 2017, 08:52. That was important to a fic but I can't remember the details right now so I'm just recording it for the new future...)

Entry tags:

Sharpe - On Writing Transcript Fics

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When I started watching Sharpe, back in December 2020, I wrote a few fics that I called “transcript fics”, because they literally started with an exact transcript of everything I saw on the screen - every movement, every facial expression - together with all of the dialogue. I then made my story around the transcript by filling in what the characters might have been thinking, pulling in memories of previous events, whatever seemed to fit, while keeping exactly to the framework laid down on screen.

By such means it’s easy to end up with a 1,000 word fic out of a few seconds on the screen, though of course the number of words isn’t the aim. The aim is to understand what might have been going through the characters’ minds and put that on the page, because ultimately I’m a reader, not a viewer.

Since watching the series I’ve gone back to reading the books, and, primed by the series, have spotted many instances where a bit of Sharpe/Harper would fit nicely - in fact sometimes I’m convinced Cornwell has actually written Sharpe/Harper, just never bothered actually saying so.

And since writing my first Sharpe/Arthur recently I’ve spotted various instances in the books where there’s evidence for that, too, to the extent that I wanted to do a transcript fic of some of them.

But while a transcript fic from the screen, though a long business, is ultimately very straightforward - it happens on screen, I write it down, and there’s my framework - a transcript fic from a book is much, much harder, because of the way Cornwell writes.

First, there’s the business of swapping points of view, which is fairly standard stuff but as a reader I do find fairly hard work. But most important in terms of the difficulty of working out exactly what’s actually going on, is the fact that Cornwell doesn’t tell us everything the point-of-view character knows. So you can’t just read one scene and fit your story around that, you have to read the entire book to get the whole picture of what happened in that scene.

For example, in Chapter 1 of Sharpe’s Battle, Sharpe gets himself in a lot of trouble - as is his wont - by shooting some French prisoners. Wellington doesn’t find out about it till Chapter 6, and it’s another couple of scenes after that before Sharpe learns that Wellington knows and will put him before what will effectively be a show trial for it.

Then in Chapter 11, Sharpe flashes back to finding out (from Colonel Runciman) earlier in the same chapter that they’re off the hook for that and subsequent events:

~ ~ ~
“Our conduct today [at Fuentes de Oñoro], I am told, obviates any need to question the sad events of San Isidro. Quite right too.”

Sharpe had smiled. He had known he was exonerated from the moment that Wellington, just before the Real Compañía Irlandesa’s counterattack on the village, had reprimanded him for shooting the French prisoners.
~ ~ ~

All lovely stuff, and a huge relief for Sharpe, who was expecting to lose his commission over the matter. But let’s have a look at how that moment was reported when it happened, back in Chapter 10, many pages and an entire battle earlier:

~ ~ ~
"One moment!" The General's voice was frigid. "Captain Sharpe?"

Sharpe turned back. "My Lord?"

"The reason, Captain Sharpe, why we do not execute enemy prisoners, no matter how vile their behaviour, is that the enemy will reciprocate the favour on our men, no matter how small their provocation." The General looked at Sharpe with an eye as cold as a winter stream. "Do I make myself clear, Captain Sharpe?"

"Yes, sir. My Lord."

Wellington gave a very small nod. "Go."
~ ~ ~

No hint there that he’s really telling Sharpe he’s off the hook. Yet Sharpe understood that immediately, and that is why I saw that scene as evidence of a close relationship between Sharpe and Wellington. Because Sharpe knew what Wellington was really saying, and Wellington knew he would understand. It’s an official and very public reprimand, sure - but it’s also a love scene, an indication of how well they understand each other. And that’s why I had to fic it.

I don’t have access to Sharpe’s Revenge at the moment, but there’s another strong instance of the same thing there. When Sharpe sleeps with Lucille - after Frederickson has gone to Paris - there is no mention, no clue, until many, many weeks and chapters later, when he finally has to tell Frederickson, who still thinks he’s going to waltz in and claim her.

Entry tags:

sean_bean,
sharpe

New Fic Masterlist

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This Masterlist only includes stories I have written since I returned to ficcing in December 2020. All links go to my works at An Archive of Our Own, where I am, as here, DorsetGirl.

Most of the stories listed below are based on the ITV series Sharpe, starring Sean Bean as Richard Sharpe. The series was itself based on a series of books by Bernard Cornwell, all called Sharpe's xxx. I do not claim to own any of the original works my stories are based on, nor am I making any profit. Quite the opposite, given the amount of time I spend on them...

Sharpe Transcript Series

These stories are based on detailed transcripts of moments in the show, imagining the thoughts, emotions and motivations of the characters portrayed on screen. In these fics, all dialogue is borrowed from the show while all other words are mine.

Sharpe’s Rifles: Saving Sir Arthur
Sharpe’s Rifles: Sharpe Meets the Chosen Men
Sharpe’s Eagle: Dangerous Street for a Lady
Sharpe’s Challenge: Sharpe Meets an Old Friend
Sharpe’s Peril: Hanging Barabbas
Sharpe’s Peril: Sharpe is Shot. Again.
Sharpe’s Peril: Sharpe Reflects On His Life
Sharpe’s Peril: The Road to Calcutta
Sharpe’s Peril: Sharpe Returns
Sharpe’s Peril: One More Battle

Letters With Marie-Angelique

A Regency Romance series, set in 1821. After his adventures in India (Sharpe's Challenge and Sharpe's Peril), Colonel Richard Sharpe retired to his farm in Normandy. Three years later, out of the blue, he receives a letter from Marie-Angelique Bonnet, whom he met in Peril. In the show, the Sharpe/Marie-Angelique pairing is hinted at as a future possibility:

Marie-Angelique: "Perhaps... one day I shall visit you?"
Sharpe: "I should like that."
Marie-Angelique: *waiting for a kiss*
Sharpe: *oblivious*
Marie-Angelique: *kisses Sharpe*
Sharpe: *looks thoughtful*

1. A Letter of Hope
2. Letter of Invitation
3. A Letter of Interest
4. A Letter of Light
5. Invitation to a Dance
6. Daffodils
7. Dance With Me
8. Walk With Me
9. A Marriageable Property
10. A Good and Decent Man
11. To Our Future, Whatever It May Hold
12. The Suitor
13. Moving On
14. Love Letters
15. Sunrise in the Garden
16. Confession
17. A Quiet Evening In
18. Clearing the Air

Other Sharpe Stories

Army, Sir. Just - Army

Rough Diamond (set during Sharpe’s Rifles)
A Proper Officer (set during Sharpe’s Peril)
Inspection Before the Battle
A Crack Company (set during Sharpe's Eagle)
Sharpe im Dornwald (Sharpe in the Thorn Wood)

Sharpe/Harper

FlashSlash - 4 ficlets, prompts 145 and 146
FlashSlash - 4 ficlets, prompts 142 and 144
Sharpe by Day
FlashSlash Challenge 137
FlashSlash Challenge 136, Prompt Set 1
FlashSlash Prompts 140 and 141
Sharpe im Dornwald (Sharpe in the Thorn Wood)

Harper would like these to be Sharpe/Harper. One day, maybe

Imaginings
A Little Wild Bird

Post-Canon

Filming Sharpe's Farewell (RPF)
Sharpe's Farewell (just the scene itself, for those who don't want to read RPF)

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Frankenstein Chronicles - Series 1 Episode 2 - Reaction Post

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1:30 Hold on, this scene is what Marlott saw in his dream. How did he manage that?

7:25 "How can that be? She's cured!" "All sins are forgiven here - no corruption". So he's either seeing, or imagining, his wife and baby daughter in the afterlife.

8:15 Maybe it's just the light, but it looks like Sean's got grey roots. At least his hair is back to light-brown/sandy in this, unlike Sharpe's Peril where it was quite a dark brown for some reason.

9:55 Urgh, actual grave-robbing. They're looking to take the boy, Marlott's informant, who was buried earlier that day. Umm, they seem to have put a girl in there to replace him. Is it the girl they offered to Marlott towards the end of the previous episode?

11:15 What's this? Has Marlott got together a lynch mob? And where from? So far he's been presented as a man who has nothing and no-one except a vicar who hasn't seen him for years and the PC (or whatever his rank is) he's been assigned.

11:40 My God, Sean is so Sharpe in this. It sounds kind of silly saying "same voice", but he does change his voice for each character, and he's definitely using Sharpe's voice here, and expressing anger in the way Sharpe does. Even bloody looks like Sharpe sometimes, which I never saw in Martin Odum's face or Neil Byrne's (and not for want of looking!)

13:25 "Someone's been murdering to undercut our trade". That's the trade of delivering fresh bodies to anatomy schools, and the grave-robber - who says he's a businessman supplying a demand - says that on a number of occasions he and his fellow grave-robbers have turned up with a body only to find it's not wanted because they already have one even fresher. With the rigour still on it.

14:50 Holy fucking shit. This is why I don't watch this kind of thing, I nearly hit the fucking ceiling.

I'm definitely stopping there for tonight, I do not need this fresh in my head when I go to sleep. On the upside, I suppose the occasional adrenaline jolt is good for you.

I'm conflicted now - I don't want to turn away from one of Sean Bean's more recent works; I do want to stay alongside John Marlott, because Sean has a real knack for showing the loneliness and vulnerability in a character, even while showing that the character - Sharpe for example - barely recognises it in himself. But I don't enjoy Gothicky undead horror stuff and would never normally watch or read it.

Entry tags:

Frankenstein Chronicles - Series 1 Episode 1 - Reaction Post

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I doubt if I'll keep this up for very long, but let's see how it goes.

I've finally got access to Netflix, mainly because I want to watch Season 2 of Snowpiercer which starts tomorrow, but in the meantime, I'm having a look at the Frankenstein Chronicles.

I'm liking the music here, it's quite unusual though I can't pick out exactly what it is about it. I notice this is set in ?1827? and it's quite strange because Sean is obviously a lot older than he was in Sharpe but he's back in more or less the same time period.

Since starting to watch Sharpe in December 2020 I've also watched the whole of Extremely Dangerous and the first two episodes of Legends. In neither of those did Sean Bean look or sound anything like Sharpe, but at

3:56 he shouts "What are you waiting for?" and he suddenly sounds so like Sharpe that I expect him to follow up with "...cavalry? I've shit 'em."

4:44 Jesus Fuck, I was not expecting that. Though maybe I should have been. I haven't read much about this programme but there do seem to be hints of undead stuff. Anyway, Sean Bean's character reaches out to touch the hand of the dead girl at the edge of the water and it grabs him...

8:55 It's a bit odd that, although Sean Bean is definitely the star here - and his name is the only one above the titles - so far he's not coming over as the star. In fact his character is being either pushed around or disrespected by just about everyone so far.

10:05 Hmm, now he's going undercover. And he's ordered by the Home Secretary to move to a different office and different accommodation. This sounds like he's being cut off from everyone and everything he knows. I'm honestly not sure if I'm going to enjoy this show or not - I normally choose not to watch or read Gothic Horror type stuff. But you know, Sean Bean.

10:27 This is a really grim-looking place he's moving into. Very bleak and lonely looking.

10:39 OMG he's got a box with a sword and a pistol in it. I'm getting flashbacks. Both weapons look old and uncared for - perhaps Marlott was at Waterloo. Actually, given that Sean Bean was 56 in 2015 when he made this, that makes Marlott around 56 in 1827, ie born 1771, which makes him 6 years older than Sharpe, and thus 44 at the time of Waterloo.

11:36 Now he's getting a couple of small locket portraits out of a small box, and a gold ring. And flashbacks to standing next to a stream in better clothes and looking younger. All part of building the character I guess, and I need to guard against being too impatient to go along with it properly. And now he's lit a candle in front of the photos, just to rub in the fact that whoever these people are, they're dead. Which I'd worked out.

12:45 Not sure what the other guy is saying here: "...prices [of bodies for teaching anatomy] have dropped since talking of bringing the workhouse ?stiffs? (sounds more like "diffs) our way."

17:25 I certainly don't know the whole of the Thames but this certainly doesn't look like any bit I do know (yes, I know it wasn't actually filmed by the Thames, though I would have thought this scene could have been filmed at London Apprentice. Too many boats going past nowadays, I suppose.)

18:42 So he's chucked a dead pig in the river at a known state of the tide, and now he's watching it floating down river. (Not sure why I'm assuming it's down river when I have no idea which bank he's supposed to be standing on, but if this actually were London Apprentice then it would be going down river.)

I can't help wondering why Sean does all these little local television things. Doesn't anyone want him for big film roles? I mean, the man is an excellent actor but he doesn't seem to often get parts that actually need a good actor. I'd like to see him in some huge, stunning role in a huge stunning film and win Oscars. Perhaps it's because - as he says himself - he doesn't audition very well, so he gets offered things that people want him for rather than going for auditions nowadays? I just feel he's underrated and would love to see him lauded as a really top actor rather than just as one who's famous for a few long-ago parts.

He hasn't actually done a film since The Martian in 2015.

Dammit, I wanted to upload a new Sean icon, but LJ is telling me I'm using "40 out of 15" and it won't let me upload any more. That was the entire reason for having a paid account ffs. Maybe that's gone wrong somewhere.

Continuing next day:

25:20 Hold on, he's just introduced himself as Inspector "Marlowe". Did I miss him pronouncing Marlott without the T at the end, or has he had to change his name as well as everything else linking him to his normal life?

27:45 I wonder if Sean Bean was getting flashbacks, standing in a room with a whole rack of guns on the wall.

29:30 So Marlott has syphilis, and "passed it on unknowingly". I'm going to guess for now that he got it in the Army - not at all unusual at the time - and that it was his wife he passed it onto. The fact that his wife was much younger than him (born 1799 from her headstone) and that their only known child was born at the end of 1822 suggests that he didn't marry until 1822, maybe after completing 21 years with the colours.

"Hear my prayer, oh Lord,
And let my cry come unto thee.
For my days are consumed like smoke
And my bones are burnt."
Edited extract from Psalm 102, King James version.

Marlott has a limp, and Mr Wilford uses a cane. I know Sean Bean injured his leg very badly as a child, but we saw Sharpe running, jumping, climbing mountains, and we saw Neil Byrne running, jumping, climbing balconies and rooves, so I'm guessing this is not Sean himself but something he chooses for some characters. It certainly fits with my guess that Marlott was in the Army. I know I haven't seen much of Sean's work yet, just the above and a few clips of Boromir and Ned Stark, but Marlott is closer to Sharpe than any of his other characters I've seen so far.

32:25 Has Marlott's little informant been got by "the monster"?

32:50 Aaand someone's whistling "O'er the hills and far away". Love it.

33:25 This fresh body just collected from the Fortune of War pub looks likely to be the informant.

34:50 I didn't know mercury treatment for syphilis caused bad dreams, though it's certainly (a) a useful plot device to show us what Marlott is thinking/dreaming about and (b) an excellent way to allow Sean Bean to showcase his expertise at playing trauma.

35:00 The darling man has a bit of a belly on him now. The ravages of time come even to the most beautiful.

36:50 The takes of Sean running are definitely shorter than they were in 1999. See above comment.

37.35 Marlott is hijacked and taken to A Bad Guy, who says to his underling "Sharp work, Jack."

37:40 Bad Guy notices that Marlott's pistol is bronze plated. "Bow Street!" he says, to which Marlott answers, "Soldier."

37:45 Bad Guy asks "What Regiment" and Marlott answers to my utter delight and honestly not much surprise "95th Rifles". And he even goes on to state "2nd Light Battalion". I am so happy for this.

Apparently the chest that he opens earlier in the episode has a Rifles green jacket in it - an officer's one - complete with Waterloo badge. And he's wearing Cavalry boots.

~ ~ ~

Entry tags:

Fic - Hanging Barabbas

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Title: Hanging Barabbas
Fandom: Sharpe (TV)
Relationship: Sharpe/Harper
Rating: Teen and up; nothing explicit, canon levels of violence
One-shot, 1169 words

Summary: A name from the past trips Sharpe's defences.

Notes: Based on this clip from Sharpe's Peril. Also posted at AO3.

~ ~ ~

Sharpe moves towards Corporal Hakeswill. It’s time, he’ll take no more delay, but for some reason Harper is now standing between him and the sorry bastard.

“Out the way, Pat.”

But Pat doesn’t move, just looks at him, and Sharpe stares back at him in confusion as the world seems to freeze around him.

He’s trying to do the right thing for Teresa’s memory, putting down a man who doesn’t deserve to live and Pat, unbelievably, is protecting the bastard. He’d genuinely thought, though their lives are so different now, that after all these years Harper was his man through and through, and now he’s doing this. That hurts.

In truth, he can’t remember much about what’s brought them to this confrontation, if confrontation it is. All he knows is that when he heard Dragomirov call the prisoner Hakeswill, his mind shattered, filled with fears, tears, Teresa, a swirling mass of pain blinding him and bleeding him till he couldn’t think. He only remembers moving forwards, punching, kicking, pushing at the pain with only one thought in his mind - to kill it before it killed him.

Another second and he’ll have the rope round the bastard’s neck. Finish him. Finish the pain.

Finish it all.

He realises he’s got his sword in his hand and as he lifts it slightly an image of it pressed against Tredinnick’s throat flashes through his mind.

He looks at Harper and, for a moment, he doesn’t know what to do.

~ ~ ~

Sure the colonel’s got himself in a right mood over this one so he has, proving that Harper was right not to tell him Barabbas’ full name. Though how he didn’t see those broad high cheekbones are the dead spit of his late unlamented father’s is for God alone to know.

Pat watches Sharpe’s eyes - always the eyes, that’s where you’ll see the move first - willing Sharpe to calm down before it’s too late. For a man with violence so ready at his fingertips, the colonel doesn’t often attack without good reason, but Pat can see right now reason is out the window with the sidhe. His French lady or no, Richard never did get over losing Miss Teresa that way.

He’s still got that sword in his hand, and the rope in the other, and if he even attempts to do what he says he will, it’ll be the end of him for sure. At best he’ll lose his pension and his battle honours, live out his days a drunk in the gutter. Pat’s seen it before. At the worst the Major will clap him in chains and hang him in the morning and none to say him nay. Then likely they’ll all die on this barren plain for want of a proper leader.

Pat has but an instant to think how to settle this.

The easy way would be to overpower the man, and he can do that right enough - those few years of easy living after Waterloo have long since sweated off under the baking Indian sun - but not with all these people around them. The princess, Dragomirov, Tredinnick, they’re all watching, frozen in their separate places, while Wormwood and his crew of pox-ridden dirty shites are looking suspiciously pleased at the holy show Sharpe is making of himself.

So no, that’s not the way, Pat will do nothing to undermine Sharpe’s authority with this ragtag rabble they’ve picked up, not when it’s the only thing the colonel has left in his life, and not when Pat knows it’s the only thing keeping them all alive.

Or he could maybe try to talk him out of it, it wouldn’t be the first time, but the man can be bloody unpredictable, so he can. Stubborn as a donkey, loyal as an Irishman, he’s as hard as Wellesley himself half the time and soft as shit the rest, and who’s to say which way he’ll go this time.

Pat’s only loved one person like Sharpe loved Teresa, and though he hasn’t lost that person like Sharpe lost Teresa, he knows this pain goes too deep for reasoning. One wrong word from Pat in this moment and they’ll both be on a path there’ll be no coming back from.

He spoke only truth when he told Sharpe that, given the word, he’d follow him through the gates of hell, but he hadn’t planned on those gates leading them to King George’s bloody gallows for murder.

So that leaves the hardest way, the only way: man to man, open his heart and show Sharpe the truth.

~ ~ ~

The compassion in Pat’s eyes shakes Sharpe to the core as he stands close and looks at him so calm, so sure, and speaks softly, as if for Sharpe’s ears alone:

“Can’t let you do it, Richard.”

After all these years it still gives him a charge, a feeling of coming home, to be called Richard by this man, rather than Sir, but he has to do this, he must.

Teresa needs him to avenge her. Since Lucille and her gentler influence left him last year, he’s felt himself turning back into the only man who ever tamed La Aguja, and he wants vengeance. For her life. For their daughter.

But before he’s even done telling Harper to stand aside, Pat is speaking again.

“You’ll have to put me down first.”

That pulls him up short and the jangling pain in his mind finally stops. He feels anchored by the steady voice of the man who was his sergeant and is his friend, and he looks into Pat’s eyes and realises that Harper isn’t, he never was, protecting Barabbas from Sharpe.

He’s protecting Sharpe from himself.

Protecting him from at best dishonour and the Duke’s everlasting contempt, and at worst from being hung for murder, and this time for real.

After all the years and miles they’ve been through together, and the years they’ve spent apart, it’s like a warm fire in a cold field to know that Pat is still willing, determined even, to stand at his shoulder in time of need.

He looks around but none will meet his eye save Harper. He stares again at Patrick and the man nods slightly, reinforcing the message.

Sharpe closes his eyes for a moment, putting Teresa away from him yet again, saying goodbye to her though it crushes his heart to do it.

He uses the excuse of thrusting the rope into Harper’s arms to move closer to the big man’s warmth and strength, just for a second, and breathe in his certainty.

Then he turns and walks away.

~ ~ ~

Clasping the rope as it smacks him in the chest and face, Harper watches Sharpe - Richard - as he turns, and he breathes out slowly. Sharpe has always been the very definition of dangerous, he never did learn to be a gentleman, and by a long way this is not the first time Pat has saved him from himself.

He just thanks the holy mother he’s still got the touch.

~ ~ ~

Entry tags:

I Wrote a Fic

One of the consequences of lockdown has been that I ran out of new books to read months ago (I'm reliant on the - currently-closed - library as I can't afford to buy many nowadays). Another consequence has been the creeping insanity caused by never, ever having the house to myself as no-one is going out.

The upshot of both of these has been an escape into watching drama on Youtube, and I started with Sharpe.

Just a few weeks in and the muse woke up for the first time in years. Yes, I wrote a fic. Just one small scene, involving two men standing looking at each other - you know how it is. As the scene is so short*, the fic was originally going to be just a drabble, but as they stood there looking at each other, the space around them started to fill with their feelings and memories, with this one moment the centre and culmination of years of their lives. No-one else could have done for Sharpe what Harper did in this scene. (No, NOT like that, people are watching!)

So I added bits, and took away bits, and then I rearranged all the bits, and quite to my surprise at the end of all that messing about it now has the once-familiar shape and feel of a DorsetGirl fic. I'm very happy about as this is my first fic in years and my first ever Sharpe/Harper

But it's driving me nuts leaving it to settle so I can come back with a reader's eyes to check it before posting. I want it done and posted so I can start the next one. Oh dear...

And I'm not even thinking about creating some Sharpe icons to go with the new activity, no sirree.

*It's in this clip.

My Fic Masterlist - Last Updated April 2011

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This list is a work in progress; it's not completely up-to-date with everything posted between January2010 and April 2011. I plan to go through the drabble challenges etc when I have time, to pick up the bits I've missed.

Most of my fic is set in the Life on Mars universe; nearly all of it is slash - that's a male/male relationship. If that bothers you, don't read any further.

Items marked *** are new since the last update. At present, most of the links go to comms rather than my journal, because that's where the comments are and because not everything is here in my journal yet. (If you'd like to add to the comments, I would be delighted!)

( Life on Mars fic )

( Other Fic )

My 2013 Book List

Someone on my LJ friendslist posted a list of all the books she'd read during 2012, and it occurred to me that I can't remember most of the books I've read this year. I know they include the Millennium trilogy, a couple of Alex Riders, several of Robert Muchamore's Cherub and Henderson's Boys series, all seven Harry Potters, Pratchett's Wintersmith and Maskerade, half a dozen random supermarket novels, Stranded by Emily Barr, Room by Emma O'Donoghue, a couple of Sophie Hannah's books, the Hunger Games trilogy and the four "Boy Soldier" books by Andy McNab. Most of these weren't the first reading.

So anyway, I thought I'd start a list for 2013, beginning with the books I finished and started today. Titles with an asterisk are ones I haven't read before. These are going to be in a minority, as I don't get round to going to the library very often and it's difficult to justify spending loads of money on new books. I'm also trying to get rid of stuff rather than adding to it, so I'm reluctant to go to the charity shop because I'll end up coming out with a bagful and there's simply no room for another pile.

We're now in April, and I keep forgetting to update this list. I've got a feeling there's at least half a dozen books I've read over the past month or two that I've completely forgotten to add to the list.

(1) *Half of the Human Race - Anthony Quinn

(2) The Crystal Singer - Anne McCaffrey

(3) The Lost Continent - Bill Bryson

(4) Daughters-in-Law - Joanna Trollope

(5) The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kit - Bill Bryson

(6) Waterproof - Chris Crowther

(7) The Latchkey Kid - Helen Forrester

(8) Started Early, Took My Dog - Kate Atkinson

(9) Water Under the Bridge - Chris Crowther

(10) *The Beach Café - Lucy Diamond

(11) Once in a Lifetime - Cathy Kelly

(12) Dialogues of the Dead - Reginald Hills

(13) *Gone Girl - Gillian Flynn

(14) The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins

(15) Girl on Fire - Suzanne Collins

(16) Mockingjay - Suzanne Collins

(17) Woman to Woman - Cathy Kelly

(18) ~A Deniable Death - Gerald Seymour

(19) Still Waters - Chris Crowther

(20) Snakehead (Alex Rider) - Anthony Horowitz

(21) *Any Way You Want Me - Lucy Diamond

(22) *The Soldier's Wife - Joanna Trollope

(23) *An Inspector Calls - J.B.Priestley

(24) Timescape - Gregory Benford

(25) The Recruit (Cherub) - Robert Muchamore

(26) The House Husband - Owen Whittaker

(27) Fever - A Story From a Devon Churchyard - Liz Shakespeare

(28) *Scorched Earth (Henderson’s Boys) - Robert Muchamore

(29) The Making of the English Landscape - W.G.Hoskins

(30) *The Unlikely Pilgimage of Harold Fry - Rachel Joyce

(31) *The Hundred-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window and Disappeared - Jonas Jonasson

(32) The Turning of the Tide - Liz Shakespeare

(33) Mad Dogs - Robert Muchamore

(34) *Remember Me? - Sophie Kinsella

(35) Divine Madness - Robert Muchamore

(36) Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone - J.K.Rowling

(37) Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - J.K.Rowling

(38) Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - J.K.Rowling

(39) *Good Husband Material - Trisha Ashley

(40) Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - J.K.Rowling

(41) The Beach Café - Lucy Diamond

(42) Sushi for Beginners - Marian Keyes

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Boy Soldier - Andy McNab and Robert Rigby

Payback - (Boy Soldier 2) - Andy McNab and Robert Rigby

Avenger (Boy Soldier 3) - Andy McNab and Robert Rigby

Meltdown (Boy Soldier 4) - Andy McNab and Robert Rigby

So it's all happening again

Just a quick drive-by posting, but with all the LJ downtime we've been having the past few days, and the realisation that Russia gave itself internet censoring powers a few months back (surely just a coincidence, I don't think), I decided it was time to update my Dreamwidth.

I've never got round to actually moving over there, or cross-posting or anything, but I decided to go for another import. It took about two minutes to copy over a year's worth of entries and comments, which is quicker than LJ can actually open up one entry most of the time. (I should mention that I haven't had time to check every single entry, but it's all looking fine on the surface.)

Anyway, I thought I'd just post this as a reminder to anyone who isn't confident they have their LJ totally backed up somewhere. DO IT NOW! I'm also planning to write a couple of polite little PMs to mods of one or two comms asking if they have a contingency plan for when it all finally goes to hell.

And a Happy New Year!

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Wishing everybody a wonderful 2013!

Overall I have pretty good memories of 2012, what with the Olympics and all, and the Jubilee, and I very much hope that 2013 will be as enjoyable and will bring to you and yours everything you want it to.

I've got my new year offerings outside as usual; I have no idea where this custom came from, or who actually knows about it or follows it, but I was taught by my grandmother always to put a coin, a piece of bread and a piece of coal outside on New Year's Eve so that throughout the coming year you will always have enough money, food and fuel.

When I was little I was given a shiny sixpence to put out, along with a piece of sliced white and a lump of coal from the scuttle. Nowadays I put out a pound or two pound coin, a chunk of the newest, freshest bread we have in the house, and a piece of coal I picked up on Winterton beach in Norfolk about ten years ago for precisely this purpose. Prior to that I used to put out a piece of wood along with the money and bread.

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Doctor Who Christmas Special 2012

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( Here be spoilers... )

I'm not quite sure that would work here...

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Briefly, I posted on an ASD forum asking for ideas on how to get my oldest to get up and actually go to school. People have been very kind and helpful, but a line in one of the replies stopped me in my tracks.

I'm far too tired to reply to people properly over there at the moment, so I'm just posting this extract here for some input from people whose university experience or knowledge is more recent than my own.

...things are completely different at university with regards to how you can manage your time and sleep schedules. Especially after freshman year, you can set up things so that you can sleep during the hours you prefer, and take classes during the times that are best for you.

Really? Does anyone know if it's actually possible in the UK? I can't even begin to see how that would work.

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What is wrong with these people's brains?

When my oldest first went there, my sons' secondary school was very aware of the fact that their students' families didn't automatically have lots of money just because it was a Grammar School. In fact, as they take anyone who passes, rather than only the top-ranked candidates, they're very much the plate-glass end of the grammar-school spectrum rather than redbrick or Oxbridge, if I can borrow University labels for a moment. Until five years ago it was only necessary to buy two things direct from the school - the tie and the blazer badge. Everything else could be sourced wherever parents could find the right-looking stuff. I used to buy blazers in BHS for about £16 and they lasted reasonably well for the 2-3 years it took to grow out of them.

Then the school started supplying blazers with the badge ready-embroidered onto the pocket and that was fine because they were still only about £16. It was only three years later that I realised that an outgrown school blazer could no longer be passed down as a pleasingly cool black jacket to wear with jeans and a t-shirt, unless you actually cut the pocket off.

Then the PE kit started sprouting school emblems on every item, and had to be obtained from the school. No more Asda shorts.

And today I've had an email from them. Apparently from January they have a new uniform supplier. It's a specialist school outfitters' and as such, one of the most expensive shops in the area.

The school is still plate-glass. The parents are still very ordinary people who just want their children to have an academic education and think a grammar school would suit them best. We don't have pearls and BMWs and ambitions for our children to be world-beaters. For my part, I just want my children to survive their schooling without being crushed and broken too badly; to come out still full of interest and intelligence while having hopefully ticked enough boxes to get the right bits of paper. I would rather use my limited resources to buy them books and computers and thought-provoking Christmas presents than spent lots of money pandering to the headteacher's wish to run a school for "the right kind of people".

Praising and bitching

Went to see Skyfall this afternoon, for middle son's birthday treat (he's 16 today). I really enjoyed it; I didn't bother when the rest of the family went to see it about a month ago, because I saw (I think) Quantum of Solace, and never understood a single minute of what was going on. But Skyfall was much more straightforward, and Daniel Craig is quite the sexy beast in it imo. Although I did prefer him with slightly longer hair. It was the first time I'd seen Javier Bardem in anything and I thought he was excellent, if you allow for scenery-chewing being a standard part of Bond villainy.

Anyway, afterwards we went to Frankie & Benny's for a meal, and I ordered a glass of wine for the birthday boy. When it arrived I directed it to him and they asked if he had any ID. (They didn't ask how old he was). I said no, and said I thought teenagers aged 14+ were allowed to drink wine with a meal providing they were with an adult who actually bought it. The waiter then wheeled a manager over who started off by calling me "love", patronising bitch (she was about 25). Anyway, I explained my understanding of the law and she said "No, that's just a loophole. The law says no alcohol at all for under-18s; there is a loophole for 17-year-olds but Frankie & Benny's choose not to go along with it."

When I said in that case they should make it clear on the wine list - because if I'd known I wouldn't have ordered it - she said "It's the law, it doesn't need to be on the wine list."

Anyway, I've now done some googling and as far as I can see, the law states "if you’re 16 or 17 and accompanied by an adult, you can drink (but not buy) beer, wine or cider with a meal." So I was wrong on it being 14, but as he's 16 today it would have been perfectly legal for us to buy him a glass of wine to go with his meal.

So my question to Trading Standards on Monday is going to be "Are they allowed to refuse to sell us wine that we were attempting to buy perfectly legally? And if so, shouldn't they display a notice to that effect?" It was all very polite, but I was a bit upset and shaken after the conversation - I really can't handle conflict face to face - and my son felt very awkward. The manager really tried to make me feel I was doing something dirty and underhand and flat-out illegal.

Anyone got any experience or solid knowledge on this area of the law? When we were on holiday in October we bought a glass of wine each for the (then) 17- and 15-year-olds and no-one asked any questions at all. Of course, as the boys pointed out tonight, that was Norfolk.

ETA:This morning I spoke to some consumer-advice lot listed on the Trading Standards website and asked for clarification on the law. They said "It's a grey area; it's down to the individual business".

To which I replied that I didn't believe for one second that Frankie & Benny's had the right to decide the law in this country. He went back and talked to Trading Standards again and the bottom line is that (a) the law says that 16/17-year-olds may have ONE drink with a meal, if bought by an accompanying responsible adult ...er...

and (b) businesses can choose to refuse to serve people under 21 if they want to, and they are not required to have a sign up about this anywhere.

I finally found a FAQ on FB's website which seems to take an unpleasantly moralistic stance. It says, and I quote exactly:

"Frankie & Benny’s Responsible Drinking Policy

Why can’t a 16 or 17 year old be served alcohol in your restaurants when this is perfectly legal?

We extremely careful when guests utilise the ‘table meal’ aspect of the law to allow a 16 or 17 year old drink alcohol, purchased by an adult, with their meal. Whilst, legally, they can be allowed alcohol, as a company we need to ensure that no-one under 16 could be given alcohol in this manner."

So, they choose not to trust their customers; they choose to assume that their customers will lie to them and show false ID for their children, and they choose to retaliate in advance by lying to their customers about what the law actually says. Nice people.

Oh, I also saw it implied somewhere that the law has recently been changed from 14 with a meal to 16 with a meal, so I was kind of right. And how does it teach teenagers "responsible drinking" if you make it impossible for parents to take them out for a sensible drink, in company, with a meal? My idea of "responsible drinking" for teenagers does not include drinking at home!

ETA2: I realised afterwards that part of the problem is that I grew up in a completely different era, ie before alcopops. In those days, the test for the seller was not "have I seen sufficient ID?" but "can I convincingly claim that I believed this person was 18?" (Or 16, in this particular case). It never crossed my mind that they might have "a policy" and it never crossed my mind they might ask for ID.

There be weather out there...

Got a call from my kids on the train this morning, five minutes after they should have arrived at school-town station. Apparently it was snowing heavily - which was a bit surreal, as there was no sign of it here, only five miles away - and they were going to "try to roll it back into XXX intermediate-village station, and it's not going any further. They're telling us to get off there and get a lift." Luckily OH was still here, having a slightly lazy start to his day, so he headed off immediately to XXX station to pick them up, while I phoned the school. (It's a good job he was here, because my car is in for service and a new suspension spring, so they'd have been stuck on a snowy station.)

"I’ve just had a call from my boys on the train ..."

"Yes, we’ve heard there are delays."

"They’ve been told they’re going back to XXX."

"Well we’ve heard that the trains are being delayed by 45 minutes, that’s all."

This kind of thing is becoming quite a problem. My boys are the only ones who use that particular line to get to school, and not only do the school entirely fail to understand that being a branch it's a lower priority for the train company to sort out, but that the website completely fails to reflect what's actually happening. In this particular case the website just wiped that train out of existence once it arrived back at station XXX, so there's no record of what really happened. So the school check a train website, and phone the bus company, and anyone whose journey is not covered by any problems they discover is deemed to have gone AWOL - or in modern edu-speak, to be committing Unauthorised Absence.

So I reiterated what I'd been told - "They're going to try to roll the train back to XXX and they've been advised to get off and get a lift."

"So are they not coming in?" For God's sake, how do I know? I'm in a different town and it's not even snowing here yet. So I said we'd make a decision once they were safely collected from the station.

By the time they got back here the snow had stopped and the roads were fairly clear, so off they went again, by car. At which point the website suddenly "found" their train again and indicated that it was underway and would arrive at school-town in four minutes. Oh, great. So now they're going to be later than they would have been had they stayed on the train.

Finally, at 9:30 I discovered that the train had arrived at their station at 9:20, so they were still better off getting a lift. And the train website has gone down, but luckily I have a screen-grab of the actual arrival information for the school and for the delay-repay, unless the train company find another way of getting out of that one. And now OH tells me he dropped them at school at 9:30, so there we go - all safe and sound eventually, but what a palaver.

My day - as in when I get to decide what to do and in what order - is supposed to start at 07:20. It's now 10:00. Blah.

In which I am brilliant, maybe

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I'm feeling quite unjustifiably proud of myself right now. A language comm I follow had a "What is this language" post - the OP had listened to a clip many times and tried to categorise the sounds, but had failed to identify the language. So - without looking at the comments, obviously - I followed the link and listened to the thirty-second clip (once). Within five seconds I was going, "That's Norwegian."

Of course, being me, within ten seconds I was saying "But how can I know that?" Given that I don't speak Norwegian, I don't know any Norwegians, etc, etc. I don't know, is the simple answer. All I can say is that it was practically instant, and then I followed it up with some possibly spurious "reasoning":

(1) "It sounds kind of dark and Northern". Impressively scientific, yeah?

(2) "It's not Swedish". I've watched the Millennium films several times, so while I couldn't do the sounds myself, I remember enough to know that it sounded quite different to me.

(3) "It's probably not Icelandic". Because I was very struck to see how like Old English Icelandic looks and so I'm guessing I would be able to pick out the occasional word, which I couldn't here.

(4) "It's probably not Danish". On no grounds at all other than I'm assuming Danish sounds a bit Germanish.

Also, I remembered my OH, who is good at doing accents, reporting to me about five years ago what a customer had just said to him. The customer, an English speaker, was himself reporting what a Norwegian had said to him that day, in English with a Norwegian accent. A bit of a long trail, but for me it was the confirming factor.

So yeah, either I'm brilliant or I'm subconsciously remembering how Norwegian sounded when I visited the place for one week over twenty years ago, during which time no-one ever addressed me in Norwegian. In which case I'm - brilliant.

Fic - Seeking Treatment, Green Day

I've been immersed in other projects this month, but WriSoMiFu finally prompted me into actually writing something, so here it is. Not posted anywhere else yet, and there may be a follow-up at some point. (If there's anything painfully obviously Brit-speak rather than American, I'd appreciate knowing about it.)

Fic: Seeking Treatment
Fandom: Green Day
Warning: RPS, non-graphic
Disclaimer: Not real, not mine, no money changing hands
Word Count:415

( Seeking Treatment )

Extradition Treaty

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I was very pleased to read that Richard O'Dwyer is not being extradited after all. This is obviously very good news. But then I read that the deal is he must "travel to the US and pay compensation".

Er, don't they have internet banking in the US? Why can't he just pay from here?

It seems to me that this is just a trick to get him there under false pretences and then they're going to arrest him. Then he'll be put in jail for sixty years for upsetting some Hollywood arsehole. This is not about justice - this is about the US trying to control the rest of the world and I am fed up with it.

Excellent Guided Tour of the Space Station

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Great video tour made by the departing commander, Sunita Williams. I'm not sure whether to be surprised I hadn't heard there was a female commander, ashamed that I'm surprised that there is a female commander, or pleased that no-one thought a female commander worth mentioning.