Heh, I loved the "supposed Sam POV" issues...oh, I know that feeling! But you did a great job, and I don't think I would have picked up on the waffly nature of that POV without you pointing it out.
I love seeing this kind of thought process: I don’t think that was the original flavour of this part, but when I thought more about it, it became clear that Sam wouldn’t be a DCI back home if he couldn’t handle himself against all-comers. So it became more about the risk of exposure rather than the risk of injury or infidelity. Because that is TRUE, but yeah, sometimes I veer off into OOC territory for the sake of a little drama (emo!Gene, anyone? No?) and it is very cool to see that other writers trip over the some ideas I do, and make changes for those reasons. Cool. Especially how in the end the change makes the message of the story far more clear and realistic.
And now that I think about it, this rings somewhat with what is going on with "Appearances," because it is very difficult to write jealous!Gene who is, at the same time, utterly convinced that Sam would not cheat on him. Conundrum, anyone? So I've had to mine the whole 'afraid of discovery' as well as 'Gene's innermost self-loathing and fears' while still keeping it all tied together as a strong, loving partnership between them. *fail* And you make it look so easy!!!!
This is your strength in your Sam/Gene writing: Also, the whole business with the key and the bag, and Gene getting Sam’s towel out for him demonstrates their close domestic relationship. Showing them as a couple is something you lovingly and effectively. It is neat to see how you were thinking it through as you wrote the scene.
So here’s the sad thing. I actually have a table in my Signals folder for this section: in one column there is a list of the actions – Sam puts on his trousers, Sam does up his shirt buttons, they leave the changing room, they reach the car – and in the other is the dialogue, broken down into neat chunks to make sure the conversation lasts the right amount of time. OMG, you REALLY do? OMG! I am in awe. I do NOT have the discipline to do that. I can only imagine how much better my work would be if I did. *stands and gapes at you in raw fascination and envy*
And that’s the bit Sam can’t understand. He’s still a DCI inside – why on earth would he need protecting? I love that observation, but I have to say it was a totally unnecessary comment because your fic does a great job of SHOWING that. Still, given how much of my work drives out from my subconscious fully loaded and raring to go, it is neat to see how you tapped this idea from the start and worked everything around it.
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I love seeing this kind of thought process:
I don’t think that was the original flavour of this part, but when I thought more about it, it became clear that Sam wouldn’t be a DCI back home if he couldn’t handle himself against all-comers. So it became more about the risk of exposure rather than the risk of injury or infidelity.
Because that is TRUE, but yeah, sometimes I veer off into OOC territory for the sake of a little drama (emo!Gene, anyone? No?) and it is very cool to see that other writers trip over the some ideas I do, and make changes for those reasons. Cool. Especially how in the end the change makes the message of the story far more clear and realistic.
And now that I think about it, this rings somewhat with what is going on with "Appearances," because it is very difficult to write jealous!Gene who is, at the same time, utterly convinced that Sam would not cheat on him. Conundrum, anyone? So I've had to mine the whole 'afraid of discovery' as well as 'Gene's innermost self-loathing and fears' while still keeping it all tied together as a strong, loving partnership between them. *fail* And you make it look so easy!!!!
This is your strength in your Sam/Gene writing:
Also, the whole business with the key and the bag, and Gene getting Sam’s towel out for him demonstrates their close domestic relationship.
Showing them as a couple is something you lovingly and effectively. It is neat to see how you were thinking it through as you wrote the scene.
So here’s the sad thing. I actually have a table in my Signals folder for this section: in one column there is a list of the actions – Sam puts on his trousers, Sam does up his shirt buttons, they leave the changing room, they reach the car – and in the other is the dialogue, broken down into neat chunks to make sure the conversation lasts the right amount of time.
OMG, you REALLY do? OMG! I am in awe. I do NOT have the discipline to do that. I can only imagine how much better my work would be if I did. *stands and gapes at you in raw fascination and envy*
And that’s the bit Sam can’t understand. He’s still a DCI inside – why on earth would he need protecting?
I love that observation, but I have to say it was a totally unnecessary comment because your fic does a great job of SHOWING that. Still, given how much of my work drives out from my subconscious fully loaded and raring to go, it is neat to see how you tapped this idea from the start and worked everything around it.
Will be getting to part three later!